Funniest joke ever

You know those jokes you laugh at for hours...and the next day in a meeting you think of it again, and just start laughing all over again?

What is the best joke you ever heard?

whats orange and sounds like a parrot.......








a carrot.

hahaha, funny!

where does hitler keep his army?

in his sleevy..

The worlds funniest joke:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World's_funniest_joke

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she had selected the following items: A half-gallon of 2% milk, A half carton of eggs, A quart of orange juice, A small head of romaine lettuce, A 2-pound can of coffee, And a 1-pound package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly."

hehehe, I like that one!

Every time I look at this one I crack up.

lol

it is so true though

what are hippies for?



keeping your leggies on!

hehehe, that was ALMOST funny

Dont know if this can be pulled off in writing, but here goes:

Have you heard about the pigeon with laringitis?
It was arrested for an attempted coup..

hehe

Gatiep and his friend Gammatjie are sitting on death row, to be executed by electric chair.

Gatiep says to the Warder: “'scuse me Meneer, does this take long and is it painful?�

Warder :�Aikona, they just strap you in and flick the switch and its over.�

Gammatjie is called in, moments later Gatiep hears Gammatjie screaming & shouting "Eina!!!", "Bliksem!!! Ouch!!!" and this carries on for quite a while.

Gatiep says to the Warder: “Jislaaik!!! I thought you said it was quick and painless.�

Warder replies : “Due to load-shedding today, they have to use CANDLES!!�

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Don't Assume Everything is a Nail Just Because You Have a Really Big Hammer

This has to be my favourite.



or, because I know how they feel:

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life!, between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night".

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"

John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

How do you know your...

removed

Nasty

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Don't Assume Everything is a Nail Just Because You Have a Really Big Hammer

but true

this is the cat version of the owl photo

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Don't Assume Everything is a Nail Just Because You Have a Really Big Hammer

hee hee

that's a nice one nLambard and hope you know what happens when you twist facts

Chinese man decides to move to Australia after 50 years of living in Shanghai. He buys a small piece of land near to Mt Isa. A few days after moving in the friendly Aussie neighbour decides to go across
and welcome the new guy to the region, so he goes next door but on his way up the drive-way he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard chasing about 10 hens not wanting to interrupt these "Chinese
customs", he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day.

The next day, he decides to try again, but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees the Chinese man urinate into a glass and then drink it. Not wanting to interrupt another "Chinese custom", he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day. A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he sees the Chinese man leading a bull down the drive-way, pause, and then put his head next to the bull's bum.

The Aussie bloke can't handle this, so he goes up to the Chinese man and says "Jeez Mate, what the hell is it with your Chinese customs? I come over to welcome you to the neighbourhood, and see you running
around the yard after hens. The next day you are pissing in a glass, and drinking it, and then today you have your head so close to that bull's bum, it could just about shit on you."

The Chinese man is very taken back and says "Sorry sir, you no understand, these no Chinese customs I doing, these Australian Customs."

"What do you mean mate" says the Aussie, "Those aren't Australian customs."

"Yes they are, man at travel agent tell me" replied the Chinese man," He say to become true Australian, I learn chase chicks, drink piss, and listen to bull-shit"

Give dad a boomerang for his birthday.
...
"Many happy returns"